today...

Today started off pretty rotten. I basically had an emotional breakdown. The stress of all my kids being sick... including my one month old baby... the amount of bills coming in and the lack of money coming in, the laundry, the dishes, and all the usual everyday stresses that come with being an adult. I sat there... staring at the pan of gravy I had forgotten about from last night... I started to cry. Then Annie started coughing... and I cried harder. I didn't really know what to do next... so I called my mommy. She told me to go feed the baby and she would be right over. So I did... and she was. She gathered me up in her arms and said, "I know how you feel... now just imagine having 8 kids to worry over!" (I cant even begin to imagine!) She then shoved her keys in my hands and told me to go clear my head. She made me pinkie promise to come back... There is really only one place i could think to go... so i went and sat on the temple steps... after i got myself together i realized that i was free of children... so i went to DI...(my favorite store) and looked around for a while. Fast forward several hours... I got in the car and said a little prayer. I needed strength. My boobs were hurting like crazy so I knew it was past time to be home... I asked heavenly father to help me be a better mom... a better wife, and a better person. I am pretty sure I have been suffering some post partum depression. Which is really weird and not at all part of my normal character. I would never describe myself as a depressed person, but lately I have been. Anyway I had another good cry there in the parking lot, and put it in drive. When I got home my jaw hit the floor. My sweet, half blind, diabetes stricken mother and my 5 year old daughter had cleaned my house from top to bottom. Every dish, every stitch of clothing... spotless. *cue the tears* There were no words. I don't know if anyone has ever cleaned your house for you, but I tell you what, that is love. She kissed me, and told me not to wait until I was desperate to call... I promised I wouldn't. Then Chantel and I proceeded to make Banana muffins, delivered some to the neighbors. (serving others helps you forget about yourself... true story.) Then the whole family... (even Mitch!) played Yahtzee... lots of smiles, no fighting! (maybe they could sense my emotional instability?) Tacos for dinner... YUMMY! Then our home teachers popped in... they had heard Annie was sick and wanted to know if they could help. I asked them to give her a blessing. They did. I immediately felt better. (thanks again guys!) Then we did homework... then we said nigh time prayers and read stories... then we sat on my bed trying to get Annie to sleep by listening to our favorite primary songs on YouTube... and now I am lying next to the man I love... I am blessed. I know it, but I think my brain hasn't quite grasped the concept yet... emotionally I am still fighting an uphill battle, but I shall prevail... I am determined to become the happy, bubbly, person I know is hiding inside. Thanks for letting me vent... better out than in... =) and now I am going to go to sleep... This day has a happy ending after all!