Tuesday, February 8, 2011

today...



Today started off pretty rotten. I basically had an emotional breakdown. The stress of all my kids being sick... including my one month old baby... the amount of bills coming in and the lack of money coming in, the laundry, the dishes, and all the usual everyday stresses that come with being an adult. I sat there... staring at the pan of gravy I had forgotten about from last night... I started to cry. Then Annie started coughing... and I cried harder. I didn't really know what to do next... so I called my mommy. She told me to go feed the baby and she would be right over. So I did... and she was. She gathered me up in her arms and said, "I know how you feel... now just imagine having 8 kids to worry over!" (I cant even begin to imagine!) She then shoved her keys in my hands and told me to go clear my head. She made me pinkie promise to come back... There is really only one place i could think to go... so i went and sat on the temple steps... after i got myself together i realized that i was free of children... so i went to DI...(my favorite store) and looked around for a while. Fast forward several hours... I got in the car and said a little prayer. I needed strength. My boobs were hurting like crazy so I knew it was past time to be home... I asked heavenly father to help me be a better mom... a better wife, and a better person. I am pretty sure I have been suffering some post partum depression. Which is really weird and not at all part of my normal character. I would never describe myself as a depressed person, but lately I have been. Anyway I had another good cry there in the parking lot, and put it in drive. When I got home my jaw hit the floor. My sweet, half blind, diabetes stricken mother and my 5 year old daughter had cleaned my house from top to bottom. Every dish, every stitch of clothing... spotless. *cue the tears* There were no words. I don't know if anyone has ever cleaned your house for you, but I tell you what, that is love. She kissed me, and told me not to wait until I was desperate to call... I promised I wouldn't. Then Chantel and I proceeded to make Banana muffins, delivered some to the neighbors. (serving others helps you forget about yourself... true story.) Then the whole family... (even Mitch!) played Yahtzee... lots of smiles, no fighting! (maybe they could sense my emotional instability?) Tacos for dinner... YUMMY! Then our home teachers popped in... they had heard Annie was sick and wanted to know if they could help. I asked them to give her a blessing. They did. I immediately felt better. (thanks again guys!) Then we did homework... then we said nigh time prayers and read stories... then we sat on my bed trying to get Annie to sleep by listening to our favorite primary songs on YouTube... and now I am lying next to the man I love... I am blessed. I know it, but I think my brain hasn't quite grasped the concept yet... emotionally I am still fighting an uphill battle, but I shall prevail... I am determined to become the happy, bubbly, person I know is hiding inside. Thanks for letting me vent... better out than in... =) and now I am going to go to sleep... This day has a happy ending after all!


8 comments:

Brandon, Andrea & Acacia Barney said...

Aw, so glad things turned out happy! It's hard being a mother to one, I can't imagine three right now! But you are a great mother to those beautiful children. Keep on keeping on! Love ya!

Doty Family said...

Oh, you gave me chills. If you ever need help, please call. I'm like 100 feet away and will help however I can.

Brittney said...

awwwwwwww such hard stuff. What a nice mommy you have. I really hope you can get back to yourself soon too. I'm sure that is not fun at all to deal with a depression funk. You are an amazing person! I'm sure your happy self will prevail!

Ashley said...

Lynette, I so love you! You are an amazing mommy and a wonderful example!

*Aliese* said...

Oh oh oh! I can help too! Just a phone call away, friend. I'll come right over and chill with your kiddos and you can escape.

Hopie said...

I cried right through this post. I totally know how that feels. After Randy broke his pelvis, Anna was my saving grace one day. I sat in my hall, eating McDonald's fries and drinking a HUGE Coke while Anna cleaned my bathroom. I was in a daze and didn't know what to do so I just watched her. I know exactly what you mean about that feeling of love. Nothing like it in the world. I hope everyone gets feeling better, especially the big boobie mama of the house!!! LOVE YOU!!!

keller family said...

Yumm! on those ideas for using the waffle maker. We have one similar but it doesn't have a timer. Sigh! Being a mom is never easy but totally worth it.SOunds like you have your hands full.

Cindy L. said...

Okay, I'm bawling, because I relate on so many levels. Life is hard sometimes. It just is. Thanks for posting this. I love your Mom for being there for you. Everyone needs their Mom sometimes.